Friday, 17 May 2013

The Last Stand

Still waiting.  My sister's theory that merely booking a late term ultrasound is enough to initiate labour has been thoroughly debunked.  So we're hanging out last night, staring at Jen's belly, and decided we needed a distraction.  Some lightweight, actiony type movie to take our mind off Peanut's epic hide-and-seek skills.

We looked around and it seemed like we really only had two options.  Either the ongoing disintegration of a once epic franchise, A Good Day to Die Hard, OR the ongoing disintegration of a once epic action star, The Last Stand.  I had heard scathing reviews of both but something inside me was saying that there was a chance some dumb fun could be had.  But that internal voice wasn't helpful in making a final choice.  So we went to Rotten Tomatoes.

A Good Day to Die Hard = 15%
The Last Stand = 59%

Well alright.  Last Stand it is.  Let's see what Arnie has left in the tank.

Not much.  This is a horrible movie.  An absolute atrocity.  Stupid from start to finish.  Arnie looks wrinkled and puffy at the same time.  This movie ruined any possibility of me watching another Schwarzenegger film.

Now I've been down on a number of movies recently and my insightful reviews of "It was stupid" don't paint much of a gradient from Bad Movie to Epic Travesty.  But I need to try harder here so you really know just how bad this flick was.  I am Lead Heckler in this household.  I am my own Mystery Science Theater 3000. Jen will not watch certain movies or TV shows with me because I am relentless in my play-by-play mocking of the on-screen stupidity.  But THIS movie had Jen taking center stage.  JEN was the one yelling at the screen "WHY?  WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?  THAT'S SO STUPID!!!".

There were attempts at comedy in this movie but the only times I laughed were when Jen was raging out.  So I guess it did provide some entertainment.  But seriously, don't ever watch this movie.

But this really makes me question the value of Rotten Tomatoes as a guide for movie selection.  We have to watch A Good Day to Die Hard now.  We have to.  It's inconceivable that any movie could be THAT much worse than The Last Stand.  If it turns out that A Good Day to Die Hard is, in fact, 44 points worse than The Last Stand, hey, we'll suck it up and move on.  But I'm pretty sure we'll find out they are both terrible movies and that Rotten Tomatoes is useless.

3 comments:

  1. Just think! A week from now there will be no more staring at Jen's belly. All eyes will be on Peanut. I'm so excited to find out if it's a boy or a girl! Although I'm sure the excitement doesn't compare to yours.

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  2. I told you to go to the movie theater, not stay at home

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  3. We watched The Watch last night. Terrible, but when compared to Pain and Gain, it was amazing. So there's that.

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