Been a lot of love in the air recently, leaving not a lot of time for this segment of TBone Today. But that changed Friday as I learned of the fucknut in Colorado that decided to shoot up a theater of people watching a midnight presentation of The Dark Knight Rises.
I think I might have shook my head and it could have ended up at the back of my mind, cynically displaced as another warped demonstration of America's love affair with guns. But reading about the victims changed that. Learning about the brother who died shielding his sister and her boyfriend, the 3 month old baby, the severely wounded mother asking for her 6 year old daughter who died that night.
I was, and am, furious.
I'm usually wary of media lynch mobs. Jonbenet Ramsey, the Atlanta bomber, even O.J. Simpson. They get so sure of themselves when it's impossible to know anything with certainty. But there's no ambiguity with this asshole.
They caught him with his weapons. His apartment was rigged with explosives. This is the guy. With certainty. No need for lawyers or courtrooms. It's just a question of what to do with him. People are, obviously, looking for the death penalty. But that is not a quick or just penalty in my humble opinion.
My modest proposal would be to auction off the rights for each bone in his body. The winning bid for each bone would receive a ball peen hammer, a cold chisel, and 5 minutes with Mr. Douchefuck to break the bone they bid on. Proceeds would go to the families of the victims.
At the very least, I think the district attorney should decline to prosecute and just release him in downtown Aurora. Give the community a chance to work out their own feelings about this cluster turd in person.
But first, I'd very much like to punch him in the face.