Wednesday, 29 February 2012


And there it is!  29 posts in 29 days!  Woot!  My most prolific month of writing ever!  I'm sure there's no correlation at all with my level of rage at work.  Pure coincidence.  So, um, yah.  I guess I just wait here for my cheque from the internet then?


Hey!  This is my 28th post for the month!  If I get one more post in before the end of the day, that'll be 29 for the month!  I'm not too good with numbers but I'm pretty sure that will average out to one post per day.  That would make it the first month ever where I wouldn't have to hear how the blog title should be TBone Weekly instead of TBone Today.  Just one more blog entry....


An engineer lives and breathes,
For simple things like geometry.
Cold hard facts and calcs galore,
Bring satisfaction but nothing more.

Gadgets and gizmos prove fine distractions,
From all the additions and subtractions.
And in a pinch, some scotch adds heat
To an ice chilled life that's incomplete.

A smile would truly warm this nerd,
A brilliant laugh, a whispered word.
To ease my mind from a day of waste,
To lift me up to a higher place.

This smile was found and joy was given
To an engineer who was barely living.
And though the smile may ebb and flow,
My girlfriend is awesome, she told me so.

Tuesday, 28 February 2012


The thing I love most about gadgets, besides the cool blinking lights, is updating firmware, or themes, or features, or fonts.  I love updates.  It's like buying something awesome and then being rewarded for that purchase with free little downloadable gifts.

I got burned with the HTC Hero.  I was all set to get on board with Android but then my phone was out of date within 2 months.  And then I waited 6 months for an update.  Torture.  Should have been a clear path from Google to my phone but first HTC dragged their feet and then Telus dragged their feet and in the meantime I found out about the wide world of rooting your phone.  And that's why I own a Nexus phone now.  Updates, updates, updates!  As soon as Google releases them, I can get it on my phone.  Or I can put whatever other ROM I want on there.  It's grand.

And when it came time to buy a tablet, I went with the Blackberry Playbook.  When it was released, I knew full well that it didn't have all the features of other tablets but part of the promise of being an early adopter is getting those regular updates.  And it started out ok.  Updates seemed to come every other week.  But it wasn't long before the time between updates stretched to 3 weeks, and then 4 weeks and then this last stretch was 5 months.

But finally, FINALLY, the big update came.  I now have e-mail and spell-check and predictive text.  Yup.  Almost a year after I bought it, I now have the same features an iPad had out of the box.  Fuck.  Why did I bother fighting the Apple tidal wave?

Still, it's a really good web browser.  And the e-mail app is pretty good.  Yah.  Hmm... I wonder if there's a firmware update for my truck stereo yet...

Monday, 27 February 2012


Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

The mythbusters.  More specifically the B Team of Tory, Kari, and Grant.  The result of every single fucking experiment is the biggest vocalization of amazement the world has ever seen.  Every fucking time:


You would think they had just witnessed the birth of Christ. I'm sure the producers prompt them to get excited about every shot but holy fuck is it annoying.

Sunday, 26 February 2012


So here's another post that is likely only of interest to my sister.  My sister tells two types of stories.  They are either about poo or about some crazy dream she's had.  I think I've shared enough poo stories for 2012 so I'm going to throw out a dream related post just for her benefit.

A lot of stuff happened to start the dream but it's all very hazy.  The general sequence of events was that Jen's father had a lot of gold and he had found out that I had married Jen just to get my hands on his gold.  It's not clear whether Jen's dad was a leprechaun in this dream or not.  Like I said, that part was hazy.  What was very clear, very, very clear, was that when Jen's dad found out, he threw a blanket over my head and then stabbed me repeatedly in the chest.

Yah, not a very funny dream.  I certainly didn't find it too funny as I shot awake at 3 in the morning, clutching my chest, and violently waving away a small man who wasn't even there.  Jen remained oblivious to my brush with imaginary death.  I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't get my eyes to close.  I lay there for the next two hours and tried desperately to blink.

Any dream interpretations are welcome.  I'm really hoping somebody comes up with something pleasant because otherwise my next meeting with the in-laws is going to be fairly awkward with me wearing a full 1/4" thick steel breast plate.

Top 25

A while ago one of the guys who used to work at Argo had the idea of having a party where everybody submitted their top 15 songs and then that list would be edited for a party with the ultimate soundtrack.  That sounded pretty cool and I started thinking what 15 songs would make my list.  This notion came up many months ago and I just found out Friday night that the party was going to be THIS Saturday and that the track list was now 25 songs per person.

So!  First off!  Fuck that guy for not putting me on the invite list.  New Hamburgers are evidently very class conscious and their class apparently ends at the Eastern edge of Baden.  Once more, fuck that guy.

In any case, I went through my go to playlist and thought what 25 songs could I listen to over and over again and never get tired of.  For what it's worth, here's my list:

1. Yellow Ledbetter - Pearl Jam
2. Killing in the Name - Rage Against The Machine
3. Brian Wilson - Barenaked Ladies
4. Alive - Pearl Jam
5  Badfish - Sublime
6. Bulls on Parade - Rage
7. Cherub Rock - Smashing Pumpkins
8. Cocaine Blues - Johnny Cash
9. Daughter - Pearl Jam
10. Disarm - Smashing Pumpkins
11. Drunken Lullabies - Flogging Molly
12. Elderly Woman - Pearl Jam
13. Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash
14. Fortunate Son - CCR
15. Gimme Three Steps - Lynyrd Skynyrd
16. Glowing Soul - Candlebox
17. Hey Joe - Jimi Hendrix
18. John The Fisherman - Primus
19. Mr. Jones - Counting Crows
20. Mrs. Robinson - Simon & Garfunkel
21. What's Left of the Flag - Flogging Molly
22. Thunder Kiss 65 - Rob Zombie
23. Today - Smashing Pumpkins
24. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
25. Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Saturday, 25 February 2012

What's TBone Drinking?

Bailey's.  Yup.  Haven't had any in the house for a while but now I can't stop drinking it.  It makes coffee so much better.  I really had to think about whether I was going to put any in my thermos before going to work yesterday. I didn't. But I'm not sure how long I'll be able to hold out.

Legally Downloaded Movies of the Week

The Playstation Video Store has been getting a real workout recently.  Could be related to the recent closure of the btjunkie web site but I'm not willing to connect those dots for legal reasons.  Besides it feels kinda good to pay for movies.  Like I'm actually helping support the people who provided this entertainment.  Crazy.

Anyways, first up this week was Killer Elite.  Yah.  I never would have given this movie a second glance but Jen has a bad case of the Stathams.  It's not good.  Great cast but really not a good movie.  And Statham doesn't take his shirt off, not even ONCE, so Jen was disappointed as well.

Then we watched Contagion.  Much better movie.  I really liked it.  But holy crap does it give you the heebie jeebies.  Here's how life as we know it will end.  Not with a terrorist attack but when nature finally decides it has had enough of our nonsense and introduces a new virus into the mix.  Hello armageddon.  Also, don't cheat on your husband.  And don't shake hands with a chef.  And don't go to Hong Kong.  And don't leave your house.  Ever.  Yeesh.  I spent the rest of the night checking my temperature and wondering whether Jen had the sniffles.

Check out Contagion.  Skip Killer Elite.

Friday, 24 February 2012


Man did I need a drink today.  I fully intended to go into the LCBO, grab something dependable, and get out.  But, as I tend to do, I got distracted by something new.  Armorik sounded like a good Scotch name.  Except it's not a Scotch.  It's a whisky alright but it hails from France and not Scotland.  I REALLY wanted a Macallan or Aberlour but I just couldn't say no to this oddity.

The first whiff had me nervous.  It started interestingly enough with a crisp spice but then followed quickly with a kind of sickening, oily bloom.  Not good at all.  Can't really pin point what it reminded me of.  A bad tequila maybe.  Definitely hints of cheap whisky.  Ach.  Ah well, I bought it, might as well keep on truckin'.

And the taste was surprisingly good.  The spice comes to life on first taste much like the aroma but the bloom is a bold caramel instead of oil.  The oil is there still but it's subtle and not too intrusive.  There's hardly any burn to the aftertaste.  Not too bad.

So, not what I needed today and not something I'd get again, but not a bad experiment.  It's not Scotch but it would do if I was stuck in France.

There is no substitute for the real thing.  3 shots.

Thursday, 23 February 2012

What's TBone Not Watching?

I'm not watching TSN.  Why?  Because it is wall to wall curling at the moment.  I refuse to believe more Canadians want to watch a beer league sport than PTI.  Oh but they have PTI on TSN2!  Except you have to pay extra for TSN2.  Fuck you TSN.  And now that I think about it, why is TSN the only sports channel I have to pay extra to get in HD.  Fuck you again.  If curling is so god-damned popular, put THAT shit on TSN2 and get all the curling fanatics to fund your ugly little step child.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Fuck Up

I get angry at a lot of people.  A LOT of people.  But I save my extra special rage for myself.  When I have fucked up I really can’t stand myself.  On an engineering project you always have a feeling about certain aspects that maybe you didn’t spend enough time on or left to somebody else to take care of.  You’re always suspicious of those things and you don’t feel too bad when you’re ultimately let down on those items.  But this fuck up is completely mine and went undetected through 7 prototype builds.  Yah, I can say “Well nobody else noticed” but this is so basic that I”m just ashamed to call myself an engineer at the moment.

Of course, when an engineer fucks up the goodwill and support from co-workers comes out in full force….

Yah, no.  It’s a huge pile-on.  Every nay-sayer is out there claiming they knew it was wrong and bringing that age-old question of whether engineers are even necessary.

Yah, bad day.  Fuck.  Just carry on.  No scotch in the house either.  Jen’s rum is going to take one hell of a hit tonight.

Stealth Master

Nobody is better at hide and seek than Timmay!

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Oh the Humanity!

People are pretty easy to figure out.  You can find out all you need to know about people by watching their reaction to a new lane being opened up at the grocery store when all the other lanes are five people deep.  There are those that will graciously offer up the new spot despite having every right to it. There are others that will keep clear of the drama and stick to their chosen path.  And there are the douchebags who run from five lanes over and push three other carts out of the way to get to that new lane. These are the assholes you need to watch out for in life.  In a different scenario, one of these jack knobs will step over your screaming child to take the last spot on a lifeboat. They should where badges so that they are never given the seats near the emergency exits of an airplane.  Dipshits.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Family Day 2012!

I LOVE Family Day!  I really don't care that it was a McGuinty vote-getting fabrication or that most companies just shuffled a floater day from Christmas to this random day in February.  A mandatory day off in the middle of winter rocks.

And I celebrated as the name of the day intended.  We traveled up to Ottawa to not only visit my parents and my sister and her family but we also had a special guest appearance from my cousin Shelley and her husband Eric and youngin Keller.

Here's a pic of my nephew, niece, and little Keller at the big family dinner:

The "Aryan" quality of this latest generation was not missed.  I was getting a serious Village of the Damned vibe.

But I josh.  Cutest kids ever.  And minimal telekinetic powers.

Jen also continued her stellar streak of awesome gifts for the wee ones.  My niece's birthday was the week following our visit so she looked up local events and found that Disney on Ice was having shows that weekend at the Scotia Bank Place.  My niece is a BIG fan of the Disney princesses.  Here she is primed for the event.

 Alice seems to be a very considerate big sister as she insisted on getting her little brother a souvenir from the event:

 Jen was also very excited about the souvenir and insisted on modeling it for wee Ben.

A great weekend to just chill with the family.  Good times.

Sunday, 19 February 2012


I used to be quite the nerd.  Some would marvel at my use of the past tense in that statement but I really am a world apart from where I was when I worked at the Deere.  Back then I ran a server from home and coded my very own hockey pool web site that would scrape stats from every night and update team points.  That was my hobby.  Now, it just seems like so much effort for something that pales in comparison to something like

But I'm getting back into it.  Picked up a contract job to set up a database for my dad's company (3 cheers for nepotism!) and I'm right back into it.  Back in the day, the only reason I could code anything was because of Deja News which eventually became Google Groups.  All answers were there.  Now, a google search is all it takes to figure out any problem.

The reason I bring this up at all is because I'm spending a good deal of the Family Day Weekend coding away in what is probably the most comfortable coding environment I've ever experienced.  Feet kicked up on my parents' leather reclining sofa, wrapped in a warm blanket, hot coffee delivered on demand, and a comfortable pair of headphones.  Coding nirvana.  This is how I imagine the coders at Google spend every day.  Bastards.

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Success Kid

This happened a while ago but I think it's still worthy of the Success Kid meme.

Friday, 17 February 2012


Big date night last Saturday.  Our first ever "Dinner And A Movie" date.  We had a generous gift certificate from Christmas and Jen suggested we combo it with her air miles movie passes for a night out on the town.

Dinner was at Benjamin's Restaurant & Inn.  The menu looked good and we were really looking forward to it.  It's up in St. Jacob's so we were expecting a swankier environment and it met expectations.  Tres classy.  The manager showed us to our seats and we started perusing the menu.

And then our waitress showed up.  Explained the specials and then left.  And seemed quite pissed that she even had to do that.  No drink order, just said her piece and left before I could even say "What's on tap?".

I was a little miffed that our night out had turned a little sour with the arrival of Surly McSurlington but then we noticed that the waitress who was serving the tables on either side of us was bright and bubbly and friendly.  What the hell?  How come we got stuck with the demon seed?

Now I try and cut wait staff every bit of slack.  I know I wouldn't last an hour in that job.  And there are a couple people in my family who don't treat wait staff with similar empathy so I try and overcompensate at every opportunity.  But man, does it suck the fun out of a dinner when your waiter or waitress is openly hostile to the fact that they have to interact with people.

So there I am stewing over this unfortunate turn of events when I notice that our waitress is tending to the needs of a large table of people where one particularly obnoxious and loud individual was making some particularly rude and inappropriate comments towards our waitress.  So, yah, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been in the best of moods that evening either if I had to put up with that.

By the end of dinner, our waitress had gotten a little friendlier and I hoped a healthy tip would make her night a little less unpleasant.  I'm very thankful that my income is not dependent on how well I react to assholes.  Maybe she's surly 24 hours a day and it had nothing to do with the loud mouth but, again, I'll always give the benefit of the doubt and allow that everybody is capable of having a bad day.

Oh yah, then we saw a movie.  Safe House.  It sucked.  Boring.

Ha.. wait.. HEY!

Well, if you can't laugh at yourself....


Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

The woman behind me at the McDonald's drive thru.  I don't know her and I didn't even see her.  But this is what the cashier yelled to her co-worker as I was passing her my debit card:

"Tim?  Did you get that?  She wants extra sauce on her bagel!  Yah, extra bagel sauce on her bagel!  And bacon extra crispy!  And the bacon cut in half!"

Where exactly does this fucking woman think she is?  Some fancy "customized-to-your-satisfaction" joint like Tim Horton's?  No.  This is fucking McDonald's.  More importantly, this is the McDonald's fucking drive thru.  You order off the menu and you move on.  You want some high falutin' custom shit you go inside.  And what the fuck is "bagel sauce"?!?  Jesus, I nearly threw up just hearing the words and she wants EXTRA?

Thursday, 16 February 2012

What's TBone Drinking?

Back on the Glenlivet 15.  Solid scotch.  Nice and smooth.  Still a 4 shotter.

Saturday, 11 February 2012

Real Steel

This movie is a great example of the incredible hurdle a motion picture enterprise has to overcome if their story hinges on the acting abilities of somebody under the age of 15.  Don't get me wrong, the other components of this movie suck to a tremendous degree.  But every time that kid spoke it was like being lightly tapped in the back of the head with a 10 lb sledge hammer.  The only nice thing I can say about this movie is that the robot special effects were actually pretty good.  Too bad about the rest of it.

Friday, 10 February 2012

Quote of the Day

At 211 degrees, water is hot. At 212 degrees, it boils. And with boiling water, comes steam. And with steam, you can power a train.
-- S.L. Parker Motivational author

Huh?  You're motivating me by explaining steam power?  Gotta say, I'm left pretty unmotivated here.  Probably won't help my minesweeper scores at all today.

Monday, 6 February 2012


Engineers have a reputation for being arrogant.  And many times I can say that is true for me personally.  But maybe it wouldn't be true if I didn't have to deal with situations like this every fucking day.

Sunday, 5 February 2012


Suck it Tom Brady!  Suck it long.  Suck it hard.

Halftime Horror Show

I survived the Madonna super bowl half time show. Barely. I didn't think anything could be worse than the black eyed peas performance from last year. But I was wrong. So wrong.
If it was just a terrible lip sync performance it would be one thing. But somebody thought a ginger version of Richard Simmons giving crotch shots on a tight rope would be something EVERYBODY would enjoy.
Terrible. You ruined the super bowl Madonna! 

Friday, 3 February 2012


Got in the truck this morning and saw this.  First thing I thought of was Bob & Juanita from maclean & maclean.  Two Bob!