Wednesday, 30 November 2011


To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist.
-- Gail Sheehy author

I can only imagine that there are millions of starving and/or abused children in the world that could have used a bit less therapy in their life.  On behalf of them, fuck you Gail Sheehy.

Monday, 28 November 2011

TBone's Movies He Watched and May Have Stolen

Watched 2 movies last week and only stole one of them.  I'm trying, I really am.  The first one was Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

I had zero interest in this movie when it came out in theaters.  Mostly because the memories of the unfortunate Tim Burton remake are still fresh in my mind.  But also because James Franco is the most unlikely actor to play a scientist since Denise Richards in The World is Not Enough.

So, I was very surprised to hear complimentary review after complimentary review on the various movie podcasts I listen too.  Finally I decided to check it out.

And it really is a good movie.  I was shocked to find how much I enjoyed this movie.  It's much more than the dumb action movie I was expecting.  There are difficult scenes to watch as an animal lover but the progression and development of the characters is something to witness.  Especially when the main character is a monkey and doesn't really contribute too much dialogue to the movie.

So, yah, put whatever prejudices you might have about this movie to the side and give it a try!

And then we watched Bad Teacher.  What a horrible fucking movie.  It appears to be trying to be the public education equivalent of Bad Santa but where Bad Santa was hilarious in its unapologetic crudeness, Bad Teacher was just bad.  Just not funny in the slightest.

Didn't watch the whole movie.  About three quarters of the way through and we started having technical difficulties.   Didn't care to solve those technical difficulties if my reward was going to be having to watch the rest of this farce.  Who knows, maybe the final scene was so side-splittingly funny that it would have made the previous 90 minutes of non-humour worthwhile.  But I doubt it.  And I'm okay with not ever knowing.

Avoid this movie at all costs.

Friday, 25 November 2011


For those unfamiliar with the meme:


This is not the eulogy I was expecting to write this week.  Timmay has made a full recovery but I guess the gods still demand their sacrifice.  My PS3 decided to take a tremendous shit last night.  I was all settled in to wreak some havoc in Arkham City when beep-beep-beep, screen goes blank, led turns yellow, then stays at a persistent flashing red.  Hmm, weird.  Turn everything off, then back on, and... beep-beep-beep, same sequence.

Well shit.  The internet must contain some easily applied remedy for this situation...

Ah, here it is... the Yellow Light Of Death.  Fuck.  That's not good.

I specifically purchased the PS3 because it didn't have all the problems the XBox 360 had with it's Red Ring Of Death.  And it has been rock solid these last 5 years.  It's been my bluray player, my portal to netflix, my stream to downloaded content of questionable legality, my traveling Rock Band Road Show, and, of course, my safety valve to release all that pent up office worker frustration with countless bullets and fists delivered to endless hordes of deserving bad guys.

And I've been so smug about it too.  Heralding the PS3 superiority over the XBox to anyone and everyone.  Whether they wanted to hear it or not.  Better graphics, better processor, better games, better on-line store, and better reliability.

But, here I am, holding my limp and useless six axis controller just like any one of those Microsoft bitches.  The only difference is that the Microsoft bitches have a "no questions asked" return and replace warranty for the Red Ring Of Death.  Sony has no such warranty for the PS3 and my newly discovered Yellow Light Of Death.

My only hope is that I can pop the case open and remove the 5 pounds of cat hair that has no doubt accumulated over the years and that makes everything okey dokey.  I'm not confident that will fix anything though.  I think I'm pretty much resigned that gaming as a past time will end as I know it.  I tried playing some Wii after I'd done weeping over the PS3 but making Mario jump around on toad stools to collect coins just seemed to be making a mockery of my lost PS3.

Fuck it, looks like I'll be taking up quilting as a hobby.



I've been thinking of getting a mural airbrushed into the tailgate of my truck.  I could never find the right picture though.  Until now!

Thursday, 24 November 2011


So nice to see some new options at the LCBO.  I was bound and determined to pick up a bottle of Glenlivet this afternoon.  The 1.14 litre bottle is on sale and that would do just nicely.  But I had a look around first and I saw this bottle.  There was no age indicated which makes me nervous.  I normally would have passed it by.  These are the reasons I got it anyway:

- It's a highland malt!

- It's made with virgin oak!

- It's only $38!

Pulling it out of the box, you can see it's going to be a light trip.  I like to think that virgin oak would result in a better drink but obviously the sherry leftovers do lend something to the final product.  The first whiff is not promising.  It's still light but there's a stinging citrus in there that indicates you really should have spent a couple extra bucks to get the Glenlivet.

The taste is.. high?  Does that make any sense?  It just tastes too elevated and thinned out.  There's still a punch to it though.  It's like somebody had the volume up to 8 but cranked the treble to 11.  There's some mellow caramel but it disappears quickly.

And after the taste?  I can only describe it as a sugary wood flavour.  The virgin oak really comes through with a slight citrus bloom.  And it hangs around.  Too long.  It's not oily and cloying but it does sit itself at the back of your mouth and begs you to go get some sharp cheddar to clear the air.

Yah, so, needless to say a disappointing bottle.  I see that the Deanston label is actually on some malts with defined ages and I'd try them.  But I won't try this one again.

You get what you pay for.  2 shots.

Saturday, 19 November 2011


Found a grey hair this morning.  No fooling myself into thinking it's one of my random blonde hairs.  Straight up white.  Bloody hell.  I'm old.  But surely I'm too young to be this old.  Something else must be to blame!  Work would be an obvious scape goat but I could never be so cliche.  No I'm pretty sure my premature greyness can be completely attributed to the last few days of trying to get some medication into one of the cats.

Anybody that has ever tried to get a pill or liquid down a cat's throat will tell you this is as fun a pasttime as relaxing in a bathtub full of thumb tacks.  Little fucker.  I'm trying to HELP you!

Monday, 14 November 2011

Hit him again!

Holy crap, the sports shows are ablaze with this hit on Ryan Miller by Milan Lucic. The general consensus seems to be that Lucic was entirely out of line for hitting Miller. Fuck that. If he didn't want to get hit, he should have stayed in his little blue zone of seclusion.  I hate this babying of goalies.  People that run goalies should be thrown out of the game but, I'm sorry, you come out of your crease and you are as fair game as anybody else on the ice.  It's too bad that Miller has suffered a concussion but, for fuck's sake, it's not like he couldn't see Lucic coming.  Pathetic.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Subaru, Again

It's been a while since the phenomenal "Fire in the disco" ad but this seems a worthy sequel.


Saturday, 12 November 2011

My Dinner Amongst The Hippies

We were recently lamenting the lack of interesting dining options in Kitchener.  When we feel like going out, we look at all the local options and more often than not just say “Fuck it” and go to Casey’s.  We were talking to my friends, the Schmeckelowskis, who happen to live in Cambridge and how all the trendy and interesting restaurants seem to be located in Cambridge.  They were quick to recommend Borealis.  They hadn’t been there themselves but had heard that they specialized in locally grown produce and locally raised/caught meat.

So, yah, hippie chow.  But a look at the menu was incredibly tempting.  With the in-laws in town, it seemed like a good opportunity to give it a try.

Walking in the door and this is exactly what I’ve been looking for.  A kind of pub feel to it but open and bright and very interesting architecture for basically being at the tail end of a strip mall.  It’s Saturday night and they don’t take reservations so the wait wasn’t unexpected.  I wasn’t going to complain because it gave me time to read over the list of beers they had on tap.

Pause for drooling.

There were about 20 beers on tap and the majority were craft types.  Oh man.  Here’s a place to waste some time.

We’d already been over the menu that afternoon but the decision was still a hard one.  So many tasty looking options.  I ended up going with a pulled pork and cheese on flatbread thing with a chicken wing chaser.  Freaking awesome.  I will never make fun of this brand of hippie fare again.  Fresh and local makes a big difference.

And the staff was helpful and prompt and pleasant even thought they were obviously swamped.  Makes a big difference too.

So, while it’s just BARELY in Kitchener, I wholeheartedly recommend this place.  For food, for beers, for atmosphere.  Aces.


Forgot to mention that there was one significant miss on the evening.  I'm not really one for desserts but I couldn't pass up The Ultimate Butter Tart.  I've got incredibly high standards when it comes to butter tarts and I wasn't going to let such a bold claim go without some verification.

And, no, I can safely say Borealis is NOT the home of the ultimate butter tart.  For a place that prides itself on so many hand crafted sauces and condiments, it is more than a little disappointing to eat a butter tart that tastes so suspiciously store bought.

A minor thing when compared to the other highlights of the evening.  Still a strong recommendation, just don't expect much from the dessert menu.


Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

The two douchebags sitting behind me at this restaurant.  There’s something about listening to a 20 year old claim that any book is “THE BEST BOOK WRITTEN EVER!”.  Really?  You’re 20 years old and you’re ready to claim one book the best that has ever been written?  I grant you, it’s probably WAY better than the Harry Potter book you finished last year but maybe give it a few more decades of steady reading before making such a statement.

Okay, that alone isn’t face punch worthy.  It’s just really fucking annoying.  But then after the great literary discourse, I’m listening to these post coital dribbles wax poetic about knifing an opponent in the face in the latest Modern Warfare game.  And absolutely no self-awareness to accompany this discussion.  No declaration that “Hey!  We really are just a couple of university douchebags that just want to get drunk and play playstation, we really shouldn’t be awarding lifetime literary awards at this time in our lives.”

Seriously wouldn’t you want to punch these guys in the face?  On the other hand, I’m glad nobody was punching me in the face when I was making similar statements back in my university days.

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Aberfeldy 12

In my review of Speyburn 10, I mentioned a bottle of Scotch that the Good Lady Robickle had brought back from one of her trips to England.  What set apart this bottle was the picture of a squirrel on the bottle and the cap.  That and the distinct taste of peanuts.  The name of that Scotch had faded from memory and I didn't think I'd ever see it again.  But the LCBO has brought in a number of new malts and I was pleased to see a bottle with a familiar little rodent on the label.  Time to see if that whole peanut flavour thing was just a figment of my imagination.

The nose, man, there's very little aroma to this one.  I had to double check the bottle but, yah, not much waft to this malt.  Maybe it's because I'm slowly recovering from a 2 week long cold and my senses are still dulled but it's a little strange.  At most there's a slight hint of sherry but not much more.

The taste is smooth with a slight alcohol bloom but nothing stands out.  The aftertaste is where some character comes to life.  It's not the peanut taste I remember from 2 1/2 years ago but a strong, dry, deep wood bloom that shows up with authority, lingers for a while, and then is gone without any reminders.

I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed that there WASN'T any peanut flavour.  It was something so unexpected at the time and quite humourous with the squirrel on the label.  I mean, I didn't LIKE the peanut flavour but I was hoping to enjoy that memory again in real time.  As it is, it's kind of missing some key ingredients to a quality scotch.  It's smooth with an aftertaste that makes the purchase worthwhile but it would be nice to have something to enjoy before getting to the end.

Maybe it is my cold.  I'll check in again next week and re-review to double check.  But for now:

Peanut-less.  3 shots.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Well, so much for that...

Fuuuuuuuuuck!  Movember is over.  At least for me.  I was shaving away and just on instinct I went across my upper lip with the electric razor.  For fuck's sake. I pulled my hand away before I  got halfway across the lip. But it was too late. The damage was done. I had a nice diagonal line running through the sparse foliage that had accumulated over the past three days. There was no saving it. I sucked it up and shaved the rest off. Sigh. Maybe next year.


The greatest oak was once a little nut that held its ground.
-- Unknown

Fuck that shit.  I'm a leaf on the wind baby!

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Movember Rain

Well, it's that time of year again. Time to put my manhood on the line and see if I can grow a God damned moustache! After last year's disastrous results the bar is set pretty low.  Despite all of Jen's objections, I'm going to give it a week and see how it goes. Pictures will be posted if anything respectable shows up.

What's TBone Watching?

Something happened tonight that hasn't happened in a long time.  I laughed out loud at an episode of House.  More than once!  Huh.  Maybe this series isn't a total write off after all.