Wednesday, 26 October 2011

What's TBone Watching?

It Might Get Loud


Two Guitar Legends And A Douchebag Hipster

Seriously, what the fuck is Jack White doing there?   It's the electric guitar tribute version of Sesame Street's "One of these things is not like the others".  I like some White Stripes stuff but I'd never identify anything they've done as epic guitar work.  Weird.

Sunday, 23 October 2011


Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

The hell spawn that keeps green lighting new seasons of NCIS: Los Angeles.  How do we keep losing great shows like Firefly and Terriers after only one season yet this infected taint of a show keeps coming back year after year?  Its existence defies all logic, good taste, and human decency.

This insanity needs to stop and if punching somebody in the face will get that done, please sign me up.


Friday, 21 October 2011



Not sure if this is new this year but they have women in tight pants come out whenever there's a break in the action to dance to the intermission music.  It's kind of awkward.  Do I just stare at you? Do I slip a fiver into your pants?  Weird.  This isn't a picture of those dancers. These are two of about six girls who came to the game in spandex cat suits.  I was pretty blatant in my picture taking. I'm sorry but if you come to the game dressed like that, I'm going to stare.



I was there.


The very first hockey game I watched live was in Winnipeg.  I was probably 6 years old at the time and my dad had taken my brother and I to see a Jets game.  And that was it.  A life time fan was born.  Tore my heart out when the team moved to fucking Phoenix back in '96.  I sure as hell wasn't going to cheer for the fucking Coyotes.  By that time I was living in Ontario and I was happy to find a suitable replacement right in my own province.  A team that was only a few years old but had demonstrated that they would pick up talent from anywhere in the world.  Yes, the Ottawa Senators was the spiritual successor to the Jets and was a natural selection.  And much like the Jets, there were many trips to the playoffs but always a disappointment at the end.

It was a good run.  No cup but plenty of entertainment.  But now, the Jets are back.  The NHL, in their infinite wisdom, wouldn't let the Coyotes leave their money pit of a situation in Phoenix but barely noticed when the Atlanta Thrashers were purchased and relocated to Winnipeg.  So it's not the original team returning but we'll take professional hockey any way we can get it.  The new logo may be an emotionless, graphic arts project but it's still great to have hockey back in Winnipeg.

And last night was my first opportunity to see the reborn Jets play live.  And I got to see them play against my fill-in team, the Ottawa Senators.  I was happy to see so many Jets jerseys at Scotia Bank Place.  Senators fans are nothing if not accommodating of opposing team fans.  It was a little strange to cheer against a team I'd been so emotionally invested in for the past 15 years but I got over it by the second period.

The team shows promise.  They're going to get a honeymoon pass for the season so they can suck all they want but we do want to see promise for the next year.  Byfuglien is a beast with a wicked slap shot but a fast skater, he is not.  Hard to blame the goalie for the goals he let in.  I'm most concerned with the coaching moves.  The goalie was pulled with 5 minutes left to play which was very confusing.  But everybody looked like they were skating hard and generating opportunities.  It was a good game to see.

Even though we lost.

But I don't really mind that they lost to the Sens.  They were a great team to cheer for the last 15 years and I'll always pull  for them in the Battle of Ontario (yes the Leaf hatred remains).  But the Jets are back!  They may not be a great team but they're mine!


Thursday, 13 October 2011


That feeling when you first bite into a Tim Horton's breakfast sandwich and you realize you REALLY should have waited for the next exit that had a McDonald's.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Fine Dining

On the road for a couple days in Drummondville, Quebec.  Have the night to myself tonight so what to have for dinner?  Tonight I am enjoying a fine bag of Humpty Dumpty Party Mix.  For dessert I will be having a bag of Yum Yum Ripplets BBQ chips.  Luckily I had the foresight to bring along a couple cans of beer to accompany this salty supper.

So, why am I constraining my dinner selection to the lobby vending machine?  Because I am a giant chicken and I'm deathly afraid of going to a restaurant and ordering a meal in French.

So I'm just going to hide in my hotel room with my overpriced snacks and crappy beer and impatiently wait for my return to Ontario where I will be hitting up the very first McDonalds I run across.

Tuesday, 11 October 2011


That feeling that you get when your GPS is telling you to take the next exit but the sign in front of you says "Closed for construction".  Throw in the fact that you're in downtown Montreal during rush hour and you may be having an all-out anxiety attack.

Technology is great until the real world shits all over it.


Sometimes I take the highway back home instead of the back roads.  And sometimes I find myself driving next to a semi trailer filled with live pigs.  I know where they are going.  They are on their way to becoming delicious bacon.  Sometimes I see a snout or a curly tail or an inquisitive eye.  I look away.  I know I'm a hypocrite.  Yah, have another pork chop you asshole, not so easy when you're face to face with the animal that's going to get sliced up for that meal.

I still eat bacon after these encounters.  I just steer clear of the highway until I forget.


We survived the 401 cluster fuck to spend a very relaxing Thanksgiving weekend with my folks up in Ottawa.  Not too many Thanksgiving traditions in our family outside of the turkey (which Mom completely knocked out of the park this year, yum).  But, back in the day, we did go around the table and we each said what we were thankful for.  Can't really remember what I said back then but I'm pretty sure it was either very snarky or related to some gadget I had just purchased.  Probably wasn't what my mom had in mind at the time and I'm not proud that my inability to express sincere emotion has followed me into adulthood.

So, for one post, I'm going to put the sarcasm aside and really get into the Thanksgiving spirit.

I am thankful that my life is so different than it was just 1 year ago.  I am thankful for the woman who is responsible for that change.  I am thankful that she puts up with all my nonsense.  I am thankful for the laughter during the good times.  I am thankful for the support during the bad times.  I am thankful that the shitty days at work turn into the best day ever just by seeing her when I walk through the door.  I am thankful for the friends who pushed us together.  And I am thankful for the family that welcomed her unconditionally.



Saturday, 8 October 2011


So, I bought a new laptop.  Did I NEED a new laptop?  No.  Quite plainly, I have enough computer processors in my house to launch the space shuttle and set the new world record at mine sweeper at the same time.  Between the desktop, the netbook, the current laptop, the tablet, and the cell phone, how could I possibly justify this expense?    Like this:

  1. It was on SALE!  Who can pass up a bargain?

  2. It has an HDMI port so it can be connected painlessly to the TV at home or while travelling.

  3. It has a built in web cam so I'm missing out on all those face-to-face skype calls (yah this one is pretty weak).

  4. It has a modern chip with 4 gb of ram.

  5. A 13.3" screen but with a full keyboard.

  6. A USB 3.0 port for future expansion.

  7. Wireless 802.11 N for HD throughput across my network.

  8. My current laptop is over 5 years old, has none of the above features, and the battery will no longer hold a charge.

  9. The netbook is just too small.  For the price it was a revelation in internet access but for just a $100 more I have a device with a usable keyboard and a screen that can display more than two lines of text.

  10. Did I mention it was on sale?

See?  Completely justified, right?


I'm somebody who likes an angry rock song.  Rage Against The Machine and System of a Down definitely have their place in any of my playlists.  But there's just something about some angry acoustic guitar strumming that trumps the ragiest of Rage.



Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

Every single god-damned person who was on the 401 last night.  Sweet mary mother fucking hare krishna.  How is it that the entire population of Ontario decided to go to Ottawa this weekend?  I mean I always expect Toronto to be a total cluster fuck but holy fuck if we weren't parked on the 401 right at the on-ramp from Kitchener.  We basically crawled the entire way.  Seven fucking hours for what is normally a five hour trip.  I fucking hate you all.  Even the 407 was no help.  We cruised most of the way after ditching the 401 but then ran smack into an episode of COPS that eliminated any gains we had made.  It just doesn't fucking pay to leave home.


Monday, 3 October 2011


Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

The dizzy bitch at the gas station this weekend.

I pull in to the gas station and look down the row of pumps.  All occupied.  Doing my best estimation of who's likely to pull out first I start heading down the line when I see the second last car pull away from the pump.  Perfect!  I pull in behind and ease up to the pump handle.  I look up and see the car that was at the pump is half way through turning completely around.  And the woman at the wheel is making the UGLIEST face I have ever seen.  She is yipping and yapping at me through her window and it is pretty clear that she thinks I am the most disgusting human being in existence.

It seems she had pulled in to the pump the wrong way for her vehicle.  Either she thought she could stretch the hose across the back of the car or she just plain forgot which side of the car the gas cap was on.  Once she realized her mistake she pulled out to turn around.  Which is when I showed up.

Now the prick in me said "Just get the fuck out, flip her the bird, and start pumping gas".

But considering that her predicament indicated she was at least halfway retarded, I decided to be the bigger man.  I made a little head patting motion through my windshield and mouthed the words "CALM THE FUCK DOWN".  I pulled through and went to one of the other pumps which was now free.

I still can't get that look out of my head though.  She reacted like I had run over her first born to screw her over at the gas pump.  Instead of accepting that she's a fucking dip wad who should have figured out how to gas up her fucking vehicle before leaving her fucking house.   Yet if I punched her in the face, I would be the one to go to jail.

Fucking people.

Who's a Little Bitch?

Can anybody tell me when the male gender turned into a collection of whiny little bitches?  For fuck's sake.  I grew up in an atmosphere where guys were free to give each other the gears, yank each other's chain, and generally be pricks to each other.  And that was fine.  It was great!  Nobody took it personally.  You get fucked over one day, you come back at that guy double the next day.

But times have changed apparently.  From my point of view, if you spend a month telling everybody who you're going to pick at the hockey draft and then don't show up at the hockey draft, you can expect to get fucked over at that draft.  And if it was me, I'd respect the person who fucked me over.  I'd still call him a prick and give him a hard time but I would know that I brought it on myself.

What I wouldn't do is pout and act like a 12 year old girl who's had her cellphone and internet taken away.  Actually, the only time I could see me acting that way is if somebody actually took MY cellphone and internet away.  Fucking stunning.  I don't understand people.  I think I'll take a little break from people for a while.