Tuesday, 6 September 2011

TBone's Stolen Movie of the Week - Fast Five

I gotta be honest, this isn't a movie I would ever pay for. I watched the original The Fast and The Furious many years ago and haven't really paid attention to the three sequels that came inbetween. So I was kind of shocked when I heard rumours that the latest installment in the series was supposed to be pretty good.

I still wasn't going to pay for it though. So, when Jen said she was in the mood for some cinematic beefcake, I sparked up the bit torrent.

And, I'm sorry, but this is a terrible fucking movie. The big selling point for this sequel is that it is no longer about the street racing but more of a heist movie. And this is a good a heist movie as the first one was a racing movie. As soon as Paul Walker says "We're going to need to get a team together" I had had enough of this flick. It tries pretty hard to be Ocean's Eleven and fails at every point.

The "team" is a bunch of people I assume I'm supposed to recognize from previous sequels. But I don't know who they are therefore I really don't give a shit about them. Besides it seems that they rewrote their characteristics whenever it suited this particular sequel.

And just a special note about Paul Walker. He is a terrible actor. Terrible. He makes Keannu Reeves appear expressive and emotional by comparison. I can only assume he was doing some special "favours" for the producer that got him starring roles in each of these retarded films. You have Vin Diesel and the fucking Rock in this flick, what the fuck are you doing putting Paul Walker in there? It's like bringing a hamster/poodle cross to a rottweiler convention.

Ugh. Anyways, Jen seems to be enjoying the beefcake. Meanwhile I've yet to see one boobie. Total waste. Skip it.

1 comment:

  1. Jeff caught an excerpt of this conversation. Unfortunately all he caught was the name of the movie, and he filled in the rest from his own imagination. "I think Tyson said that new Fast and Furious movie was good!"

    No. No, he didn't.

    Paul Walker as the New Keanu Reeves. FACT.