Tuesday, 26 July 2011

The Glencallum - Royal Deluxe Blend

Yah, a blend, but how could I say no to a royal DELUXE blend?!?  Something different, I'll give it a roll.

Despite its claims of being royal AND deluxe, my expectations are low.  The aroma is caramelly but heavy on sugar.  I was expecting the dreaded cloying of a cheap blend.  And it's there but not overpowering.  It's dry and slightly peaty with a slight flash of alcohol and a slightly oily finish.  Interesting. Not a favourite, but for a blend it provides the right amount of challenge.  Yah, not bad.  For a sub $40 bottle it's worth a trip but I won't go back in a hurry.

A royal challenge but not so deluxe.  3 shots.

Monday, 25 July 2011


What's TBone watchin?

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid!

I didn't anything could top the cheez of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus but, man, was I wrong.  Looks like Debbie Gibson has traded in Lorenzo Lamas and upgraded to a very buxom Tiffany.  Yes, the former teen singing sensations are together at last and doing battle against giant pythons and a robot gator or something.  I don't know.  Not really paying attention.

But whether I'm actually focusing on the movie or not, it goes without saying that whoever keeps green lighting these films has my utmost respect and admiration.



So, apparently they aren't robot gators but gators hopped up on steroids!  Fantastic.  And Micky Dolenz is in it too!

Sunday, 24 July 2011

Not So Grand River

Got my brand new Outdoors Card in the mail this week.  HAD to go fishing this weekend.  New card, new luck.  Living near the Grand River, I'd always heard there was good bass fishing in there.  Looked a little shallow around Kitchener so I thought I'd try down near the South end of Cambridge.

Headed to the launch and dragged the kayak out to the river.  It was a little shallow near shore but it looked pretty good nearer the middle.  Popped my drive fins in, dropped the rudder, grabbed my fishing rod, and threw out my first cast.

And then I ran aground.  Big shelf of rock seemed to run right across the whole river.  Huh.  Shuffled and pushed myself off the rock and threw out another cast.

And then I ran aground again.  And I couldn't push myself off.  So I stepped out of the kayak, stood in the Grand River and pulled my kayak off the rocks.

Okay, so the drive pedals were a no go and the rudder was kept tucked up to avoid the rocks.  It was going to be a straight paddling day.  Except the rocks and current meant that paddling was all I was going to be doing and not too much fishing.  By this point I had drifted down to the first turn in the river and I had realized I had made a mistake in picking the river for today's fishing spot.  Time to call it quits and head back to the truck.

I turned the kayak around and started paddling.  Except I was now moving backwards.  I paddled harder.  Started making forward progress.  Until I reached the first low point in the river and the current just pushed me back.  Well, fuck.  Now what?

Umm, looked around at the shores, no great places to beach.  So, out I get and I start walking up the river, dragging my kayak behind me.  This is not fun.  The current is fast and the terrain rocky.  Every step, I'm visualizing a slip, a cracked ankle, and my kayak with all my fishing gear floating away down the river.

I trudge about a 100 metres or so and see a spot on shore that looks like it has a path leading up the bank.  I make my way across and park the kayak.  I head up the path, hoping to find easy access for my truck.  I end up in what looks like a scrap yard.  I see fencing towards Hwy 24 and go over and make sure the gate is open.  Back to the kayak to grab my truck keys, haul the kayak up from the bank to the yard, and then hike back to the launch to get the truck.

By this point I am drenched in both river water and sweat.  Very happy that I didn't run across anybody on the Grand River Trail on the way back to the truck.  Hopped in the truck drove back to collect the kayak.

And that was my big fishing outing.  Still riding a big ole zero on the fish total for the summer.  Yah, not so grand.  So the rest of the day is all about the playstation.  Stupid outdoors.

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Golf 2011

First game of golf for 2011 yesterday.

Stupid fucking game.

My buddy Schmeck and I went in on some wagjag or groupon thing for a round with cart at Willow Valley in Mount Hope.  Nice course but their specialty seems to be sand traps.


I stopped counting my strokes half way through the back nine.

I can't remember if I swore off golf last year or not.  That's how I usually end the golf season.  No more golf, that's it, stupid fucking game, waste of fucking time and money.  And then I go back at it the next year.  I think it might actually be permanent this year.   I'm having nightmares where I'm being buried in sand and I'm swinging a shovel like crazy to dig my way out but it just doesn't help.

Ach, stupid fucking game.


So!  There's taking a day off.  And then there's taking a day off to drive around exotic cars!  Our friends, Andy and Rob, got hold of some gift certificates for a day of driving around in some rather posh automobiles.  We were driving from Oakville to Guelph, switching seats every half hour and switching cars every hour.  And these were the cars:

[caption id="attachment_1144" align="alignnone" width="580" caption="Audi R8"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1145" align="alignnone" width="580" caption="Bentley GT"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1146" align="alignnone" width="580" caption="Ferrari 360"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1147" align="alignnone" width="580" caption="Nissan GT-R"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1148" align="alignnone" width="580" caption="Lamborghini Gallardo"][/caption]

Yes, some very sweet rides.  It's a chaperoned ride so it was a little frustrating not being able really see what these things could do but it was the opportunity of a lifetime.  When else was I going to get behind the wheel of any of these things?

We were smiling from the get go and didn't stop until the end of the day.  I was most interested in the GT-R and the Audi R8 and my final rankings pretty much bore that out.  From first to worst, I would put these cars in this order:

  1. Nissan GT-R

  2. Audi R8

  3. Ferrari 360

  4. Lamborghini Gallardo

  5. Bentley GT

Not to take anything away from the Bentley.  It's a luxurious ride with plenty of torque but it's still your rich old grandfather's sports car.

The Lamborghini had the best sounding engine but it was a little undersized for yours truly.

The Ferrari was everything I was hoping for.  A glorious sounding engine, tight ride, great acceleration, and a killer look.  But the transmission was a little flakey and the electronics were wonky.

The Audi R8 is an orgasm on wheels.  It was driving me up the wall I couldn't build up speed to see how it really corners.  It felt like it was glued to the road.  It didn't have the snap of the Ferrari but it pulled like a bulldog and I was giggling non-stop.  It was also the best looking car, the best fit and finish, and the car I'd most like to have as my daily driver.

And then the Nissan.  Oh my.  The spiritual successor to the Nissan Skyline, an almost mythical car that was never brought to North America.  I almost wept when I saw it on the list of cars.  And it didn't disappoint.  This was the only car that scared me with its speed.  There's an accelerometer graph on the dash and it showed us pulling almost a full g in acceleration.  Fuck me.  But around town you'd hardly guess there's a rocket under the hood.  I love this car.  So much.  AND it's the most affordable!  For a measly $100,000.  Sigh.

But I got to drive it.  I don't have a long bucket list but that car was on it.  A monumental day because of it.  The fact that I got to spend it with my girl and two of our good friends just made it that much better.  Awesome.

Oh and shout out to Exotic Car Tours for organizing the great tour!

Sunday, 17 July 2011


Big relationship test this weekend.  My cousin Peter was getting married and there didn't seem any way to avoid exposing my lady love to the madness that is my extended family.  I did everything I could to prep Jen for this weekend.  There were flash cards with pictures of aunts, uncles, cousins and various topics to avoid talking about with each individual.  I extracted promises from my brother and sister to make sure Jen was never left unattended to avoid any question laden ambushes.  I warned Jen repeatedly not to start conversations with unknown people and to avoid eye contact at all cost.

I was stressed.  Putting up with my nuttiness is one thing.  Having the entire Clan TBone gawk at you at one time is something else entirely.

But I shouldn't have worried.  This happens with every family get together.  I look for every excuse to avoid it, if one isn't available I go in kicking and screaming, and then I eventually have a good time.  You'd think I'd eventually relax about these get togethers but I'm nothing if not irrational.

Peter and Crystal had a great marriage ceremony, looking like a fairy tale couple the whole evening.  So happy they asked us to be part of it despite my neuroses.  And Jen was a champ throughout, winning over many an over-protective aunt and cousin.  We had fun even though Jen still feels a little inhibited in front of my folks.  Once she realizes they are every bit as crazy as I am, I'm sure that will pass too.

We also managed to fit in a visit to Kevin and Joanna to deliver the fabled Yarosh Pig Roaster.  Sad to see that magical appliance leave the Niagara region but glad to see it revived to get some actual use.  Visits to the Yarosh household don't happen too often now that they are up North so happy we could add a visit to this trip and great to see them doing so well.

Also fit in a side trip on the way home to have lunch with Jen's friends Lisa and Chris.  Cool peeps that don't betray even the slightest hint that they think I'm bad news for their friend Jen.  Phew!

A good weekend, filled with friends and family, and a superstar girlfriend who made it a great weekend just by being there with me.

What's TBone Not Watching?


It's pretty disappointing when a show you used to love comes to a point where viewing it only brings rage.  You've committed a devoted viewership and precious disk space on your PVR but that show has declined year over year and you can turn a blind eye to those deficiencies for only so long.  Eventually you find yourself yelling at that very show you used to cherish.

Shows that have made the trek from favoured viewing to outright ridicule include Criminal Minds, House, Dexter, and True Blood.  And now Flashpoint.

I was so proud of Flashpoint just one year ago.  A Canadian production focusing on a Strategic Response Unit team in Toronto.  This is a gorgeous looking show.  It's a showcase for High Def viewing.  And the music selection was always something that stood out as an exceptional production feature.  Sure the stories were a stretch at time and the emotion could be a little overwrought but those were always minor annoyances... until now.

The last episode we watched involved a racially charged riot over a police shooting of a black teenager.  The police officer involved in the shooting has been cleared of any wrong doing and the father of the slain teenager is leading a protest.  The SRU is trying to escort the police officer out of the building to the airport when they are confronted by the protesters.  Notably, there a number of protesters who are covering their faces and waving around pipes and wrenches while chanting at the police.  And right there, RIGHT THERE, is the moment where I am done with this show.  A 6 man team walks out into a crowd of people where there are a number of people wearing masks and brandishing clubs.  I am sorry, but this is bullshit.  People in masks, waving steel pipes around, are not protesting.  They are looking to do damage.  The protest is over.  Riot squad moves in, deploys tear gas, and arrests people.

From that point, the show had lost me.  Everything from that moment just pissed me off more.  The pissy judgement directed from the SRU to the way the riot squad is handling the "protestors", the fact that Spike is just hanging out in his Suburban in the middle of this riot until the rioters notice him, the monumental flip-flop of Hugh Dillon's wife from SRU-hating shrew-harpie hybrid to the SRU's biggest cheerleader.


Erased from the PVR and all future recordings cancelled.  Flashpoint, you are dead to me.  Sorry Dawn.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011


Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

Those douchebag tennis players on the latest Tim Hortons commercials.  Why is the Tim Hortons advertising world populated with nothing but mentally deficient jack knobs?  Why does hawking your product require representing your customer base as a bunch of retards?  Seems a little counter productive.

And tennis?  Does anybody actually play tennis anymore?  I know I don't so I can only assume that nobody else does either.  Fucking weirdos.


Friday, 8 July 2011



Woman elbows man in the middle of the night.  Woman complains to man that he is snoring too loud and tells him to roll over and face the other direction.  Man complies.  Man tries to go back to sleep but can not because woman is SNORING TOO LOUD!

The End

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Again and Again

So, sick again.  You may recall that it was only last week that I was struck down with a summer cold.  Back at it this week.  Started getting cold sweats at work Monday afternoon and then my throat started sealing itself off.  Really wanted to stay home yesterday but, Christ, I had JUST taken the last Tuesday off cause I was sick.  Stupid scruples.  So I come into work and stare at my screen and sweat for a full 8 hours then go home and lie on the couch for the rest of the evening.  Woo.

Seems to be easing off now.  But this year has been ridiculous.  This is my fourth viral infection in the past 6 months.  Jen claims it's more like 8 but that one cough lasted 3 weeks so I think she's double or triple counting that one.

I just don't understand what's changed.  I'm usually good for one cold and one flu each year but no more.  It's really bugging me how I'm getting this exposure.  It's not like I'm working with the public, handling money or credit cards, interacting with a wide variety of strangers day in and day out.  Yet, here I am sick again.  Something has changed.  Something that's changed in the past 6 months.  Hmmmm....


Sunday, 3 July 2011

Fishin' 2011

FINALLY got out for some fishing this Canada Day weekend.  Very excited.  Spent Canada Day going through the tackle and tossing the junk.  Hosed down the kayak, sending an infestation of earwigs to their maker.  Got the rods out and made sure the lines were still good.  Sunday morning it was go time!

This was also going to be the first run with the new truck.  Loading was a breeze.  Backed right onto the front yard, slid in the kayak and lashed her down to the easily accessible tie-downs.  Boom.  Done.  So much easier than dicking around with that trailer.

So everything packed up and away I go.  Last year was a real disappointment with surrounding "lakes".  This time I'd selected the Belwood Conservation Area.  A man-made lake at the head of the Grand River past Fergus.  A five dollar entrance fee but what the heck.  Got there around 9:30 and it wasn't too busy.  Lots of parking and an easy spot to launch the kayak.  Slid everything out, loaded up the kayak and then.... then I realized I had never renewed my fishing license.  Crap.

So, this is where gadgets really come in handy.  Got online with my phone and renewed my license right there at the lake.  I didn't have any physical proof of my new license but if I did get hassled, at least I could pull out my phone and show the electronic version that I purchased that morning.

Finally, into the water.  And Belwood is a pretty nice lake for Southern Ontario.  Lots of structure, a deep bay that's free from the recreational boaters, a setting that's just made for bass fishing.  Just no actual fish.  I was out there for three hours.  Not a bite.  I saw one little perch chase one of my spoons.  That's it.  I talked to one of the boaters and they said they were spotting lots of fish closer to the middle of the bay but no actual bites.  That's fishing.  Sometimes they're just not into eating.

Next time I'll get my ass in gear a little earlier.  It wasn't too busy when I got there but it was a freaking zoo when I came off the water around 12:30.  Again, couldn't be happier with the truck.  Loaded up and out of there in minutes.

So, no fish but still a great way to spend a couple hours on a sunny day in the summer.  I'll definitely come back to Belwood too.  The fish are there, just have to figure out a better approach.


Saturday, 2 July 2011


Saturday has traditionally been "shopping" day.  You're not at work, you have all day, and everything's open.  Unfortunately, everybody else has figured this out too.  I try not to do any shopping after 10 a.m. but sometimes it can't be helped.  Today I was reminded that there are definitely some places that are worse than others when it comes to Saturday shopping.

So here is my list of top 5 places to avoid shopping at on a Saturday:

5.  Zehrs - I've recently gone over how inconsiderate some people are when grocery shopping.  It's all the same on a Saturday, just more dick heads out shopping.

4. Canadian Tire - I can't count the number of times I've driven into a Canadian Tire parking lot and not even bothered pulling into a spot and worked my way right back out of the parking lot.  Just a zoo on a Saturday.

3. Walmart - I hate this place any day of the week.  Ruining my Saturday is just a little extra "fuck you" from the friendly folks at Walmart.

2. Costco - Have a Costco membership?  Feel like shopping at Costco on a Saturday?  Do yourself a favour and just get somebody to run over you with their car instead.  It's not worth it, seriously.  From the parking lot, to the oversized shopping carts, to the horde of retards shopping there, to the ridiculous lines.  Just don't bother.

1. Ikea - This place is a rude collection of cheapskate yuppies during the week.  On Saturday, it is hell on earth.  Abandon all hope before entering.  If you find yourself at an Ikea on a Saturday, you need to stop and really think about what's wrong with your life that it has lead you to this cluster fuck of a store on this unholiest of days.  I'm crying just thinking about it.

6 months

Jen and I have been together for 6 months!  Holy crap, I'm in an honest to god real life adult relationship!  And I can say I've never been happier.  Sure there have been days when she's been grumpy and just as many days when I've been grumpy but that can mostly be chalked up to work issues.  That or me being a jackass.

Every time I look at her I wonder what I've done to deserve this happiness.  I don't wonder too much unless I jinx it.  I'm a lucky guy and I'm doing my damndest to make her feel half as lucky.  Yup.