Thursday, 30 June 2011


So, follow me on my emotional roller coaster this morning:

  1. Wake up just after midnight in coughing fit, find girlfriend has already left for spare room -> grumpy

  2. Alarm goes off at 5:00 am -> very grumpy

  3. Favourite breakfast of eggs over easy on real toast -> slightly grumpy

  4. At work drinking my favourite coffee -> satisfied

  5. Meeting with Loctite rep, reviews parts assembly, shows that primer should be used with loctite we're using, solves mystery of parts coming apart -> relief

  6. Realization that I could have solved problem a year ago by just talking to the guy -> suicidal tendencies

  7. Read literature find out I was right and rep was wrong -> ecstasy!

  8. Still have problem with parts, talk to assembler, find out he's been using the wrong loctite altogether -> rage!

  9. Contemplating shit storm to come with product recalls and field campaigns -> complete and utter depression

That was all before 10:00 am.  I'm hoping for an upswing at noon with a tuna fish sandwich from the deli.  If they don't have tuna, I may just spend the afternoon sucking on an argo tailpipe.


No tuna fish sandwich.  Fuck.  It's only been a 3 day work week and I've absolutely had it.  Yah, a long weekend sounds pretty good right now.

Wednesday, 29 June 2011


This one's for my sister who always felt compelled to share her dreams.  No matter how clearly insane they made her appear.

Monday night, as the sickness was really taking hold, I took my sniveling corpse to the spare bedroom.  I fell instantly asleep and was soon in a very real life type dream.  In this dream I woke up, still sick, and went to work.  Straight to work.  No additional clothing.  Just hopped in the truck and went off to work in my gitch and t-shirt.

Sat down at my desk, drank my coffee, surfed the web, then went out to the shop floor to see how things were progressing.  No one mentioned my lack of pants.  Talked with the mechanics for a few minutes then fell forward, flat on my face, as I seemed to have passed out.  I could still hear people around me though.  There were many conversations, some involving my situation, some not.  I remember the safety lady saying "Oh dear, he's twitching, we'll have to get him home".

Apparently they called my brother and my girlfriend as emergency contacts because they are the ones that got me home and up the stairs to the spare bedroom.  Then they started renovating the room beside me and tore down the outside wall.  And then my brother started hitting golf balls out the new hole in my house, off the second floor and into the neighbourhood behind me.  Except he wasn't MY brother anymore.  At some point he had transformed into the older brother from Everybody Loves Raymond.

And then I woke up.  And I was honestly confused as to whether I had actually gone in to work already that morning.  Checking my phone and seeing that it was only 6:00 am, put me at ease that I hadn't gone into work wearing only my underwear and that my brother wasn't  Brad Garrett.  Yah, I was pretty sure I was going to stay home that morning.

Interpretations of this dream are welcome in the comment section below.  Thank you for listening.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Good riddance!

Happy to report that Pierre McGuire has left the Canadian airwaves!  The most aggravating voice on any hockey broadcast has left TSN for the opportunities of working solely for NBC and Versus in the states.


Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

I may actually watch TSN broadcasts next year.  More importantly, I may actually LISTEN to a TSN broadcast.  It's such a relief that I won't be scrambling for the mute button next year.

Being  a public figure probably isn't that easy.  I'm sure he's a nice guy off air.  I wish him all the best with NBC.  Just don't ever come back.

Thanks to Dawn for forwarding the good news!

What's TBone Watching?

Game of Thrones!  Another awesome TV series from HBO.  Top notch.  I wasn't really sure after the first episode.  It's a fantasy type theme with legends of witches and dragons and I wasn't sure I was up to it.  I'm still recovering from Lord of the Rings.  But I'm glad I stuck with it.  Great dialogue, great acting, great sets, and just a great creation of an entire world.  Also boobies.  Lots of boobies.  There's more than a couple penises on display for balance, I guess.

The only bad thing I can say about it (other than the visible penises) is that it's only 10 episodes long for the first season.  Home sick today and I could have used at least 5 more episodes.  That's the problem with burning through a season so quickly.  You're all amped up and wanting more but now I've got to wait until next year to see how these stories progress.  More than likely the stress will be too much and I'll end up reading the books the series is based on.  Ah well, good stories are good stories.  Just feeling a little starved for good TV right now.


One bad thing about moving down south again has been the exposure to allergens.  The last week has been brutal.  Sniffles and headaches and sneezing galore.  I tried this new stuff Aerius.  It is shit.  Not THE shit.  Just shit.

Never knew I was allergic to anything until I came to school in Waterloo.  That first summer I thought I had an eyelash stuck in my eye for a week straight.  And then I went for a bike ride and cut through an open field.  By the time I got to the other side of the field, my eyes had swollen shut.  That was my clue that I was allergic to something.

Yesterday I thought the allergies were ramping up.  More nose running, more sneezing, and more headache.  I was furious with Aerius.  Popping that shit like crazy and absolutely no change.  Turns out a cold had snuck in over top of my allergies for a seamless transition to all out snot production.

Stayed home today.  Popped pills, drank Neo Citran.  Yup.  A muted but relaxing day.  Kind of fuddled my brain power which explains why I'm struggling to come up with an ending for this post.  Not really sure what the point of it to begin with was either.  I had allergies and now I'm sick.  The end.

Monday, 27 June 2011

The Talk

So, it was only a matter of time.  This weekend, we had The Talk.  The Talk where it was explained to me in clear and vivid detail that I was incapable of dressing myself.  No real shocker.  As with so many things, I'm a big believer in fulfilling the bare minimum requirements of function rather than worrying about things like "style"or "coordination" or "good taste".  So, that means I make sure all the naughty bits are covered before I leave the house and don't really stress on whether the socks match.

But I guess that's the end of that.  My only hope is that Jen's hatred of shopping will spare me from any clothing safaris.  For now I just have to make sure there's no argo grease on anything I wear when we're out together.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Nom nom

Great weekend down Niagara way and I had to give a couple shout outs to some great places to eat.  First up was dinner at the Smokin Buddha in Port Colborne with the in-laws.  A smaller establishment with a menu that spans Indian, Mexican, Thai, and Japanese cuisine.  If you are in the area, I highly recommend checking it out.  Lots of options and pretty much everything was delicious.  I only had the one beer as I was designated driver for the night (I KNOW! Somebody just made a mint on that pool) but they had quite a selection of draft beers.

Next morning we headed up to Ancaster for brunch at The Ancaster Mill.  There was much stress over what to wear as it was suggested that "business casual" was the way to go.  So, that means swankier than anything I'm used to eating at.  Shouldn't have stressed and just relaxed.  It was a buffet service but I still have to give props to our waiter who brought a sense of humour to the whole affair.  Here are the things I had for brunch this morning:

  • oysters

  • perogies

  • eggs benedict (awesome)

  • bacon (regular and peameal)

  • sausage

  • roast beef

So, no problem with protein supply.  Others sampled freshly made crepes, waffles, and omelets and their was no shortage of fruits and chocolates and desserts and cheeses and breads and pastas and chicken and pork.  God there was so much.  And it was all fantastic.  The price is fairly steep but so worth it.  Check it out!

Glengoyne 10

Another surprise at the old LCBO.  The Glengoyne 10 year old single malt.  Thought I'd had it before and I very well might have but I'd never recorded my impressions.  It's a mid 50 dollar bottle from the highlands so I was pretty comfortable taking a run at it.

The first whiff is subtle.  Ice totally overpowers any fragrance so you have to work hard to pick up subtle notes of sea air and a faint caramel.  Add that to a light colour and I'm not expecting a very dynamic drink tasting.

The taste delivers though.  Nothing in your face but a smooth delivery that blooms into a smokey, light wood after-taste.  The burn down the throat is gradual and doesn't over power.  Very pleasant overall.  A smooth, easy to drink, malt.  A little plainer than my favoured Aberlour 12 but a great bottle to have on hand any day of the week.

Smooth and pleasant.  4 shots!

Monday, 20 June 2011

Old Man

I can feel it happening.  I'm turning into an old man.  Not so much physically but more in the barely controlled urges to just start randomly yelling at people.  Today's moment came as I walked down the grocery store aisle.  It was the end aisle, usually wide enough for 3 carts.  I note a woman coming towards me.  She's about 20 feet away and it looks like we're going to pass each other by without incident.  But then she notices tuna on sale or something off to her right.  Does she stop and pick up the tuna like a normal person?  No.  She kind of angles her cart off to the left in front of my path and then reaches over to her right to get her precious can of tuna.  These actions completely block off all three lanes of traffic.

I shit you not, dear readers, this almost put me completely over the edge.  I was a hair's width from snapping.  A sudden clear thought occurred and I could see myself grabbing her cart, throwing it upside down, and screaming at her to have some fucking consideration for those around you.  I didn't do that and it's not the first time I've had such thoughts and wrote about them on this very blog but the thought has never been so vivid and so obviously satisfactory.  The fact that the satisfaction would just as obviously be short-term came slowly into focus.  No need to chuck everything away just because some absent minded twit can't control her shopping cart.

But I can see where this is leading.  My future is that of the crazy old man yelling incomprehensibly at people for minor seeming atrocities.  And I've seen the future first hand.  He's the old dude riding his bike through the LCBO parking lot last weekend who yelled several unkind things at me.  What was my crime?  I locked my doors with my remote key fob which resulted in a small toot of my horn.  This offended crazy bike riding dude and he started yelling crazy things about where he was going to shove my car alarm.

I didn't realize it at the time but that was a message.  That was my ghost of Christmas future.  If I don't calm the fuck down, my life will be one of near constant rage.  Taking offense at everything and letting everybody know about it.  Loudly.  Hopefully it's not too late.  Maybe I can change course.  I'd much rather be a happy crazy old man than an angry crazy old man.  One of those is a lot less likely to get locked up.

Wish me luck!

Friday, 17 June 2011

Hockey 2010-2011

So another season is over.  It's just bizarre that it's still being played in the middle of June.  But whatever.  There's no hiding the fact that it's been a disappointing season as a Senators fan.  Things were looking up at the end of the regular season though.  We seem to have solved our goalie issue and the team shed themselves of some horrible dead wood (I'm looking at you Kovie).  I was a little puzzled that Clouston took the fall alone.  Brian Murray has done nothing to show he has the chops to put together a winning team.  But we'll see.

Anyways, back to the playoffs.  Game 7 of the Stanley Cup playoffs to be precise.  Vancouver vs. Boston.  Perfect home records for the previous 6 games.  I was actually pretty excited.  And I actually watched the whole game from start to finish.  The one and only game I did that for the whole playoffs.  I had to cheer for Boston.  Not very patriotic but Vancouver had shown themselves to be tremendous douchebags unworthy of my support.  And there are so many people worth cheering for on Boston, Tim Thomas, Big Chara, Dan Paille (worked with his dad, Ray, at the Deere!), Chris Kelly, Nathan Horton, Kaberle...  wait, no, fuck Kaberle but the rest just seemed like a great squad and I was pulling for them.

And they won!  And Vancouver burned.  Nice.  Just goes to show that Vancouver has their share of douchebags off the ice as well.  They shouldn't feel too bad though.  I'm sure they would have burned if they'd won the cup too.

A disheartening year that partially redeemed itself with an emotional finish.  And the deafening boos for Gary Bettman as he tried to make the presentations after the game was a nice touch too.  Fuck you Gary Bettman.  Stop ruining this game!  But yah, looking forward to next year.  If Winnipeg comes back with the Jets name, as they should, there will be an epic realignment of hockey allegiance.  But I don't put it past Bettman to fuck this up too.  So we'll have to wait and see.  Good times!


Tuesday, 14 June 2011

The Spice Tree

Good sweet christmas did I need a drink today.  I needed something solid.  Something reliable.  A sweet ride down Forget My Job Lane.  Should have gotten an Auchentoshan or an Aberlour.  But I saw something new and I grabbed it.

Spice Tree.  Yup.  It's a blend.  Good sales job on the packaging though.  Sounded spicy.  And it smells spicy.  A spicy caramel.  It was very interesting.  This gamble just might pay off!

Snake eyes!  No, the taste is hard to nail down.  There's a lot jumbled in there but then the after taste blooms to the front.  And the after taste is oily.  Some woody tones but mostly a sickly oil.  Not fun.

So I've got a bottle of this dreck to get through.  Oh well.  At least it will take my mind off work.

Not good.  2 shots.

Monday, 13 June 2011


Who would I like to hug this week?



Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

The jack-knob who parked right next to me at the grocery store.

Now I knew that buying a full size truck was going to be an adjustment.  It is a wider vehicle, longer wheelbase, and wide swinging doors.  That's why I park further away from stores now.  I choose spots that are not only free from nearby vehicles but are so far away from the store that it is INCONCEIVABLE that ANYBODY would choose to park anywhere near my truck.

Except for this fucktard.  Cozied right up to my driver side.  Plenty of other spots to choose from.  Closer spots.  Coveted "pull through" spots.  Spots that were free of neighbouring vehicles just like MINE was before I went into the store.  Fucking idiot.

So, in all likelihood, I wouldn't have punched this moron in the face if he'd been there when I got out of the store.  But there should be no shock at the lovely new grey crease that's now in his passenger side door.


Friday, 10 June 2011

Hard Rock

What is the definition of hard rock?

Two dudes playing cellos?


Two dudes playing carbon fiber cellos?

Hmm... possibly....

Two dudes playing Welcome to the Jungle on carbon fiber cellos?

Fuck yah!



Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

Oh so many options on this fine glorious day.  Who is most worthy?  Who REALLY needs a punch in the face?  Well, I'll keep it to the theoretical this week.  I would really like to plant my fist in the face of the short-sighted fucknut who thought adding video poker to all the lottery terminals in Ontario was a good idea.  Why?  Did somebody do a study and determine that lines at corner store cashiers were moving too quickly?  It's bad enough that each order for smokes results in a 5 minute game of flip the child-saving shelf covers in a futile quest for that last pack of Johnny Lung Black Slims - King Pack.  Now I have to stand there and watch as some slack jawed gambling addict lays down a toonie, draws a pair on the lottery monitor, goes for another hand, draws another pair, goes for another hand, draws another pair, goes for another hand, busted, puts down another toonie, draws another pair, FUCK!

Obviously this is generating revenue.  Good for the OLG.  Maybe they can hire another cashier for the corner store that JUST handles the poker rejects.


Sunday, 5 June 2011

You can dance if you want to...

Big shout out to the newly wedded Mr. and Mrs. Smith!  A spectacular bash in the Niagara region as two good friends tied the knot.  These are Deere peeps which means a gathering of many Deere peeps.  And it was practically the whole crew.  Great to see so many friends at the same time.

The Robickles had a great idea for a wedding gift.  A toilet.  I guess there had been numerous complaints about their current installation.  Once we had all agreed on the toilet, things quickly escalated as we came up with "accessories" to accompany the main gift.  Peanuts, all bran, candy corn, oh henry bars, a snake, a toilet time golf game, and many more items got tacked onto the box.  My personal favourites were the books "Everyone Poops" and "Everybody Poops 410 pounds a year".

Elisa (with the assistance of James) did a great job of tying everything together.

With everyone together it was also nice to make introductions to some of the newer members of the group.  I didn't take a lot of pictures but I was very happy to grab this one of wee Ben meeting Tiger.

Obviously the wedding wasn't just about us.  Although we did take great personal pleasure in walking into a formal event with a toilet bowl decorated with the Bristol Stool Chart, the day really was about Dawn and Jeff.  It was quite an event.  Fantastic food, bountiful booze, flashy fireworks, speeches that both touched and made us laugh, boobs teetering on the edge of full exposure, severe head injuries, and dancing.  Yes, even TBone took to the dance floor for a few spins with his lady love.  As opposed to the Yarosh wedding, I began dancing with reasonable control of my senses and remembered the entire event the day after.  There is apparently a video of this situation.  A video that will never see the light of day as I foresee an electrical "issue" occurring in the near future at the Allenses household.

All in celebration of the marriage of Dawn and Jeff.  I hope you guys had as much fun as we did.  Thanks for asking us to be part of this special day.  Your families and non-deere friends were great party-mates.   All our best and congratulations!

Oh, and not sure why, but the only other photo I had of the night was a fascinating footwear perspective.

Yup, shoes.  Don't ask.  I have no answers.


Saturday, 4 June 2011

Fuck this

So finally sat down to watch an NHL playoff game the other night.  Game one of the Stanley Cup finals. I was pumped. I was ready. I ended up so disappointed.  I only lasted two periods. It was a farce. 40 minutes of douchebags on ice. Both teams looked like the whiniest bunch of assholes. Cheap shots and diving and even some finger biting thrown in. No offense mind you. Just ref whistles.  Pathetic. And then there's a 3 day wait for the next game in the same town?!?  Fuck this.