Tuesday, 30 November 2010

The Singleton of Glendullan - 12

Found something new at the LCBO.  No box and a decent price of $45 made me think it would be risky but it's getting pretty tough to find new malts.  Besides, it said it was a Speyside.  How bad could it be?

The aroma didn't make me fell any better.  Medicinal.  A bland medicinal.  The taste is similarly bland.  Not much character, just that slight bite of listerine.  A more talented palate might be able to pick out the subtleties of this flavour but, for me, it is a solid meh.  The after-taste?  Well, fuck, after all this I wasn't expecting much and my exceedingly low expectations were met handily.

So, yah, this will disappear quickly but only to get to the next bottle of Aberlour or Macallan's.

Ho-hum.  2 shots.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

What's TBone Drinking?

Should you find yourself without beer or scotch in the house, you may find yourself looking for mix to go with any of your lesser alcohols.  And you may find that the only mixeable liquid in your fridge is a carton of milk.  Now you may think to yourself that this is the perfect beginning to a white russian.  Should you think this, allow me to provide the recipe for a white russian:

  • 1 part milk

  • 1 part vodka

  • 1 part kahlua

  • pour over ice

Now stop.  Do you have all these ingredients?  Are you sure?  Are you positive?  If you are missing any of these items, abandon all hope of a white russian until you visit the LCBO.  Say you're missing the kahlua.  Milk and vodka on ice do not make a white russian.  It makes milky vodka.  At this point you may start thinking that surely there could be a suitable substitute for kahlua somewhere in the house.  Again, stop.  You are not going to get anywhere with this train of thought.  Ok, you've found some kahlua flavoured coffee.  This will not work.  Stop, trust me.  Ok, so you've ignored me and brewed the coffee and stirred it into the milk vodka.  Did that work?  No.  No it did not.  Instead of a white russian you now have something I'm going to call a brown latvian.

What did we learn?  Next time just get off your ass and go to the corner store for some o.j.

Monday, 22 November 2010


I've been a huge fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) since my buddy Trev introduced us to it in university.  Started out as a cable access show in Minneapolis and eventually caught on and made stops on the Sci Fi network and Comedy Central before finally collapsing under the weight of licensing fees.  If you haven't seen it, the premise is basically 3 guys ripping on B grade movies as they watch it.  Some are good, some are dull, and some are outright hilarious.  I've collected dvds of the show as they've become available but Netflix has finally delivered a consistent stream of MST3K-ness.

Every once in a while I wonder what the guys from the show are up to now.  I've known about the RiffTrax project for a while but it wasn't until this weekend that I finally tried it out.  RiffTrax is MST3K without the science fiction framework.  Just a straight up mp3 sound track of the guys riffing on a dumb movie that you play while you watch a DVD.  The riffers include Mike Nelson (Host #2), Kevin Murphy (Tom Servo), and Bill Corbett (Crow #2).  The price seems a bit much, between $3 and $5, when you still have to rent or "rent" a movie to go along with the rifftrax.  But yesterday I was going to watch a movie that demanded the ole MST3K treatment.

That movie was The Last Airbender.

Dear god what a terrible movie.  M. Night Shyamalan is a living train wreck.  He started out with such promise and each movie since The Sixth Sense has been exponentially shittier than the previous.  This comic strip puts it best:

Courtesy of Cracked.com (and Jody who passed it along).

He pretty much lost me at The Village but I held out hope given The Last Airbender source material was so good.  But he still managed to ruin it.  Shat upon its virtual chest.

And the only thing that made watching that dookie enjoyable was listening to the rifftrax along side it.  Freaking hilarious.  Recommended for anyone who enjoyed the old MST3K shows.

Saturday, 20 November 2010


I've been told by some people that I'm a smart man.  Other people would laugh and debate the adjective "smart".   Still others would take exception to the noun "man".  I would not argue either point.  But every once in a while I get it into my head that I am capable of dealing with matters in an intelligent way.

Take my winter tires, for example.  I had, what I though was, a brilliant system.  Each fall or spring I would take the current tires off and swap them for the winter or summer set.  I would place the set I just took off in their storage bags and write on the bags the date and position of the car that the tire had come off of.  That way, when the next season came, I could rotate the tire to their new position like a good responsible car owner.

Reasonable right?  Except last spring I decided that constantly  re-writing dates  was silly.  I just needed four labeled bags for the four positions on the car and whether it was the winter or summer set I'd just put them in their respective bags.  Done and done.  Life is a process and we're constantly refining that process.

Now fast forward to today.  And I'm staring at my four winter tires and I can't remember if the bag marked "Front Passenger" means it WAS installed at the front passenger corner and I should now install it at the rear passenger corner?  OR was I thinking ahead when I pulled the tire off the rear passenger corner and putting it in the front passenger bag so I would know to install it in the front this winter?  Idjit.

Doesn't really matter cause I want to trade the vehicle in this winter anyway but, just for the record, tire bags will always be marked from where the tires WERE installed.  From this point forward.

Thursday, 18 November 2010


Yah, this pretty much describes every date I've ever been on:

Horrified Man Looks On Powerlessly As He Ruins Date

Courtesy of The Onion.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

TBone's Movie of Questionable Origin of the Week: The Ghost Writer

Now I, personally, did not steal this movie.  I did, however, copy a digital file off a friend's USB key.  I'm going to assume she had all the proper legal authority to distribute that digital file.  I will rent this movie as soon as reasonably available just to be safe.

The movie itself was interesting to me, not because it was directed by some overblown jagoff who is currently in exile for buggering a thirteen year old girl, but because it stars two of my favourite actors, Pierce Brosnan and Ewan McGregor.

Now Brosnan's work speaks for itself (check out The Matador for his best work) but my appreciation for McGregor begins and ends with Trainspotting.  I honestly can't recall a single role since that movie that's been even mildly noteworthy but that turn as a redeemed heroin addict earned him at least a couple decades of goodwill.  I see his name on a movie poster and I'm instantly interested even though the horrors of the Star Wars prequels are still fresh in my mind.

This movie was good.  Not great but solid.  I appreciated it wasn't as preachy as some other Iraq war political commentaries.  Just an interesting story told from an interesting perspective.  The leads were a shade above the material but there was nothing exceptional to work with really.  I wasn't even going to mention this movie here except for one thing.  One thing that took me right out of the movie.  Ewan is hired to be the ghost writer for a former British prime minister after his former writer dies in an apparent suicide.  At one point Ewan borrows his predecessor's car to get back to his hotel.  After making a turn towards the hotel, the onboard GPS unit tells him to turn around to head towards his destination.  Obviously this is meant to be the last destination his predecessor had programmed in.  Ewan pauses, looks at the GPS screen, and then decides to follow the GPS directions turn by turn.  He doesn't go into the GPS menu to actually find out what the destination is, no this genius drives the exact route turn by turn to find out what the final destination is in person.

That just pissed me off.  Who would write such a scene?  I don't mind that he traveled the route to find out more about his predecessor but at least show him making an effort to retrieve that info from the GPS first instead of following some virtual trail of bread crumbs.  If you're not really sure how technology works, you should probably have some thirteen year old look over your script first.  Oh right, sorry, he's probably not allowed to be around thirteen year olds any more.

Anyways, decent movie.  Worth a rental.

The Great Oatmeal Experiment

I put it off as long as possible but I had no choice this morning.  I finally tried some oatmeal for breakfast.  No sir, I don't like it.  I vaguely remember my mom trying to force feed me this slop as a youngster.  I'm guessing I didn't react well then either given the thirty years in between samples.  I can't help it but oatmeal has the consistency and texture of something that's already been chewed and partially digested.

Think I'll stick to the Cheerios.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

TBone's Stolen Movie of the Week: The Ghost Writer


Who would I like to punch in the face this week?

God, I can't even pick one.  This day didn't have a chance.  I went to sleep in a pissy mood and woke up the same.  I used to cheer for the best NHL team in Ontario.  Now it seems I cheer for the second worst team in the province.  But it was work that did me in today.  Just once I would like to work with fucking professionals across the board.  Imagine a place where each individual knows precisely what his role is and executes that function with pride and competence.  Sadly, this is not such a place.  I can't even put into words the kindergarten bullshit that transpired over the course of today.

But I can't name names.  So the question remains, who would I like to punch in the face this week?  Ach, let's say Bryan Murray and be done with it.

Tuesday, 9 November 2010


Despite the majority of entries in this blog, there are things in this world that make me happy.  First and foremost are my nieces and nephews.  "Nephews" is newly pluralized as, yesterday, my sister gave birth to this little guy:

Can't wait to meet the little guy in person.  He's joining a pretty cool group.  His big sister will be an amazing role model.  She's more than just a pretty face.  So bright, creative, and imaginitive, I'm in constant awe when I'm around her.  Their cousin Jake is a human dynamo.  This picture is the only known evidence of him sitting still for more than 5 seconds.

If there's a game to play or a super hero to impersonate, Jake will be the perfect cousin to show him.

And of course there's Briana.  First of the next generation and first in our hearts.  Just recently she's become a teenager so she's officially too old for the kiddie stuff.  I hope she finds her way through the next 6 years with as little drama as possible.  For her parents sake as well as her own.  When the tough times come I just hope she can think back to those better times when a simple thing like stuffing kleenex up your nose was a cause for such joy.

Anyways, that's the TBone sentimentality break for the year.  Off to see the new nephew this weekend but the blog will be back to its crusty self tomorrow.

Monday, 8 November 2010

TBone's Stolen Movie of the Week: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

I'm a big Edgar Wright fan.  The TV show Spaced, his movies Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.  I have absolutely loved them.  And I was really looking forward to his latest...until I heard some reviews.  Thought I'd wait for the dvd to come out.  Turns out I couldn't wait.  Got a dependable recommendation and I went straight to the bit torrent.  I'll make it up to Mr. Wright.  The Blu-Ray is out tomorrow and I will be buying it.

Obviously I'm not buying it cause I hated it.  I loved this movie.  I never should have doubted the director.  This is the feature length embodiment of all the little video game quirks he used in Spaced.  And that's not for everybody.  I'd say if you had a Sega Genesis or a Super Nintendo when you were a kid, you will probably like this movie.  Otherwise, probably not.

I never give Michael Cera the benefit of the doubt but he earned some respect by actually pulling off the lead in what is very much an action flick.  He's good but Kieran Caulkin steals the movie as the gay roommate.  Brandon Routh also has a "super" cameo as one of the ex-boyfriends.

The movie proudly takes place in Toronto, Ontario and I loved each and every reference to Canadiana.  I especially loved how none of those references involve the Toronto Maple Leafs.  At one point Scott Pilgrim is wearing a CBC T-Shirt.  Nobody not employed by the CBC would wear such a shirt but it was still cool to pick it out.  And it would have been so easy to leave the coins that show up when enemies are defeated as CG but Edgar Wright made sure when they did a close up of the coins that all the coins were truly Canadian.  Awesome.

Again, not for everyone but it sure is for me.

Sunday, 7 November 2010


Got some startling news this week.  Turns out eggs are bad for you!   Honestly had no idea.   I knew there was some controversy over them but it seemed like so much hippie nannering that went back and forth year after year like whether drinking water was actually good for you or not.   But then my friend Dawn sent me a link to an article stating that one egg was worse for you than a KFC Double Down sandwich.

That news almost cracked my brain.  The Double Down was a one time thing.  I've had a couple eggs for breakfast every morning for the last five years.  Looking at the cholesterol levels of a single egg, I should be dead right now.  Good god I hope I'm not turning into some jagoff that clogs up the grocery aisles reading all the data off nutritional labels but the eggs definitely gotta go.  I don't live the healthiest of lifestyles and I don't need any more challenges than necessary.

Anyways, I'm in search of a new breakfast.  Been rocking the plain old cereal this weekend and I'm gonna give oatmeal a go this week.  Any other suggestions?


I've bitched about daylight savings time before. Twice a year, like clockwork actually. It is farcical that we, as the dominant species on this planet, can't figure out how to split the difference on one fucking hour out of the day. But here we are pushing our clocks back and forth like retarded cats in a ridiculous effort to position daylight at a more desirable span in our days. Fucking pointless.

That said, I'm loving the extra hour today. One more hour of recovery. Fantastic.

Die Hard Day

Yah, so, a couple guys at work asked if I was interested in participating in a little something called Die Hard Day. I guess it's an annual event where a bunch of guys get together, drink beer, shoot the shit, and watch all 4 Die Hard movies in a row. Beer? Movies? Bullshit? Sign me up!

Couple things I wasn't quite ready for. First, Die Hard Day starts at 9:30 in the morning. Christ that's early. But a couple litres of caffeine got the rig moving. Next, everybody failed to mention that wife-beaters were mandatory dress code. Try and imagine walking into a room full of a dozen white guys in wife-beaters. Thought I'd stepped into the local white trash convention.

But alright, I'm going with the flow. The selection of u-brew helped. 500ml and 1 litre bottles of 4 different brews. Best of the bunch was the Bock. Yum. The original Die Hard went as expected with just the right amount of audience participation.

And then we pretty much lost focus. Out came the darts and poker chips. The movies continued on in the background but they had lost their prime placement for the day. But that's ok, because I learned something about myself yesterday. Something very important. I suck at darts and poker. I should not be allowed to play either.

Things continued to deteriorate and eventually there was a guy at the poker table wearing nothing but his underwear. And two dudes in wife-beaters were wrestling in the hallway. Alright, time to sober up and get the fuck out of New Hamburg. I stayed until the end of the hockey game just to recoup some of my poker losses with some bets on the game (go sens). By that time some wives and girlfriends had shown up to take some of the testosterone out of the room but dude was still walking around in his underwear. I wished the home owner good luck and took my leave.

I didn't escape unharmed though. I don't know if it was the u-brew or the Die Hard Day jalapeno cheese ball but something wreaked havoc on the ole gastro-intestinal system. Spent the rest of the night and a good part of the morning "purging". Yikes.

So, yah, Die Hard Day. Can't wait for next year!

Thursday, 4 November 2010

No Movember

Even more than Hawaii Five-Oh, I wanted this to work.  And it's turned into even more of a fiasco.  The goal was to grow a moustache over the month of November to raise awareness for prostate cancer.  I had woke up Monday morning fully intending to see this through to the end.  I knew it was going to be challenging.  The last time I attempted to grow a moustache was around 5 years ago over a 2 week shut down at John Deere.  I think it was on the last day of shut down that somebody said "Hey, are you growing a moustache?".  An acceptable question after 2 days of growth but kinda humiliating after two weeks.

But I was gonna do it this year.  Bring the humiliation, bring the ridicule!  I was going to grow a god damned MOOOS-TASH!

But this morning, three days into the moustache challenge, I looked into the mirror and thought just one thought:

"You're a fucking idiot".

And that was it.  Shaving cream was added to the upper lip and the wispy beginnings of a pre-pubescent moustache were removed from my face.

Sigh, maybe next year.

And for those that didn't get the MOOS-TASH! reference, a little clip from the greatest mini-series of all time, Generation Kill:


Police that moustache.

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Hawaii Five-Oh My God

I tried.  I really did.  But this show is just plain stupid.  It's off the pvr.  Probably not shocking to too many people that it's as bad as it is.  But I hoped beyond hope that they would turn it around.  Kinda crazy really.  Never saw a single episode of the original.  The one and only reason I was pumped about this show was the theme song.  It's just cool.  Yah, not much of a basis for fandom, I know.  Ah well, back to Burn Notice.

Monday, 1 November 2010


Still jacked up about Halloween.  Could be the leftover chocolate.  I'm not impressed with society too often.  We're responsible for some pretty horrendous things.  War, genocide, Oprah.  But something like Halloween is a little piece of redemption.  I think it's awesome that a community can come together and do something like this for the kids.  Everyone gets a chance to play dress-up and neighbours everywhere open their doors to reward them with candy.  Pretty frickin' cool.  Well done society.  You've earned my respect.  Which ends at the next commercial for "Hot in Cleveland".