Saturday, 3 April 2010

Buckley's

The Easter weekend is here and the weather is amazing.  And how is TBone enjoying this unseasonable gift?  By lying on the couch and trying to set the record for continuous coughing fits.  In the past six months I've managed to avoid swine flu, bird flu, rat flu, and every other zoological form of flu.  But the weather turns nice and bam, I get sick.  Awesome.  It's like buying a snowmobile and expecting snow come winter time.

Thursday night was the worst.  Got two hours of total sleep.  The last round of coughing was at 4 a.m. and I gave up on trying to get some sleep and decided to concentrate on leveling up on Call of Duty instead.  Didn't help with the headache any but kept my mind off the hacking.  By nine o'clock it seemed like a trip out for meds was unavoidable.  I slugged my way over to the Shopper's and picked up some Advil, some Halls, and a bottle of Buckley's.  Oh, the Buckley's.  It's been the treatment of last resort for any cold with cough.  Vile, disgusting stuff.  If you've ever had the Vick's Vapo-Rub treatment,  you'll recognize it immediately in liquid form.  But it definitely seems to work in quelling the coughing.  My theory is that it actually kills off whatever bodily tissue is causing the cough spasm.  The first spoonful you can kind of fool yourself  into thinking that it wasn't as bad as you think you remember.  But the foolin stops as soon as you gulp that juniper flavoured varsol.  It is that bad.  And you've got one more spoonful to go.  It took 2 whole minutes of staring at that second spoonful of runny snot looking poison, debating whether to kill the cough or dump it down the sink like any sane person would.  But I was so god damned tired.  So tired of coughing.

The whole experience got me to thinking of a new ad campaign.

Man walks into pharmacy, approaches counter where three other customers are hanging out.  The pharmacist stands behind the counter.

Man: "I'm looking for something to fix a cough.  Something special."

Pharmacist: "You want a Buckley's."  Hands the man a bottle.

Customer #1: "A hundred years ago, something that wretched would have been considered withcraft."

Customer #2:"If Buckley's had a sound, it would be of a man vomiting."

Customer #3:"The French actually say it the best: OH SWEET JESUS IT BURNS!"

Pharmacist:"Take the worst day of your life...and put it in your mouth."

The good people at Rickard's may complain but I think it would work much better for this product than theirs.

Ack, back to the hacking.

2 comments:

  1. awww, poor Tyson. Would a visit from Alice make things better?

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  2. Alice? Who the fuck is Alice? Man, I'm sad I can't make that joke in person anymore.

    ReplyDelete