Thursday, 7 January 2010

Anxiety

I go through this every single time I start a new job.  I show up, there's a whole bunch of shit to learn, I have no idea what's going on, who to talk to, what's expected of me, who's full of shit, who isn't, what's the infrastructure, what are the standards, basically how do you go about getting shit done.  And while I'm frantically trying to sort all this out in my head, I'm also doing my damndest to give the impression I've got it all under control and this is exactly what I expected on my first day.

I live by the words "It's better to remain quiet and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt".  But I get these panicky urges in new job situations to blurt out things to prove I know what I'm talking about and that I can participate and that I belong, all to show that they made the right choice in hiring me.  And at the same time I can hear myself and realize that I sound like a douche bag.

But then you get that first review.  Everything's great.  Glad to have me aboard.   Appreciate my contributions and looking forward to working with me in 2010.

So.  Fooled them!  Like I said, it's the same pattern everywhere I've been.  Once I know the snow job has been effectively applied, I can relax and figure out all the other shit.  The pattern has also been that I eventually get disgruntled and quit but that's gotta be at least 6 months down the road.  For now it's good times.

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