So, here goes.....
The movie Bolt made me cry.
Yes, that Bolt. A stupid Disney cartoon about a dog and a cat and a hamster making an "incredible" journey across America. This had me bawling like a baby.
Now I try to be cynical. I try very, very hard. And I was doing fine. Right up to the point where the talking cat describes how her owners abandoned her. Boom, that 5 inch thick layer of cynicism washed away in a waterworks display that would have made Tammy Faye Baker embarrassed.
God. There I was, weeping at this ridiculous cartoon, KNOWING that I was being manipulated by some Disney corporate hacks, and not being able to do a thing about it. Assholes. I was so ashamed. Luckily I was alone. No one need know. I just won't ever mention it. Who would ever bring up Bolt in conversation? It would be just one more secret I take to the grave with me.
But then I watched Up on the weekend.
Son of a bitch! Ten minutes in and the lip's quivering, the eyes are watering, and I'm downing my beer praying the alcohol will make it all better. There are two scenes in this movie that just tear you up from the inside out. Couldn't believe it. Reduced to a blubbering mass by Disney AGAIN! This time with Pixar's help! Fuckers.
I could have tried tucking this little episode away as well but somebody, somewhere, at some point was going to say "Hey let's watch that movie Up!". And people need to be warned. So there it is. My humiliation is now public. I'm going away for a while. There's a Male Ego Rehabilitation Center down in Toronto where they'll be trying to piece my pride back together for the next 3 to 4 months. Wish me luck. Be strong my friends.